Doris Shaw is an over 39 sales representative for a marketing firm on the east coast.  
      “Before I became pregnant I devoted every waking moment to my career.  After I was promoted it took me a good year to get my new sales territory into shape, but I loved my job so I didn’t mind.  Having a child was always part of my overall game plan, but I woke up one day and I was forty.  The deciding factor was when I changed gynecologists and the nurse, not familiar with my medical history, asked if I was still having periods.  ‘What?’  I was astonished by the question.  I went home that night and announced to my husband that it was time. That biological clock was ticking very loudly.”
     Doris goes on to explain how having her son has impacted her life.  “You really can’t compare having a career to having a family.  Three years ago my life was business lunches, client trips and sales meetings.  Just being at home with Chase for three months on maternity leave made me realize I couldn’t continue the way I had.  I envy women who can juggle it all.  I can’t.  I suppose it would have been different if I had to work, but I don’t.  My husband’s law practice does just fine and I felt guilty leaving Chase with a baby-sitter when it wasn’t necessary.  I know a lot of woman would disagree with me, and sometimes I feel embarrassed to say I no longer work outside of the home.  That’s my own insecurity I’m working through.” 
     Doris had some more interesting insights.  “I never knew how much my identity was wrapped up in what I did for a living until I decided to quit my job.  My husband and I were at a party with some new people we had just met.  As I chatted with a few of the wives, one woman, perhaps ten years younger than me, asked what I did for a living.  Very proudly I announced, ‘Right now?  I’m a mommy.’ 
     It seemed like the room went so quiet you could hear a pin drop.  And, the women stared at me, speechless.  I felt compelled to look behind me to see who had just come into the room.  Was it me?  What did I say?  Then it hit me.  I saw myself, ten years ago, through their eyes and I suspected what they thought of me.  They thought I should have been able to both work and raise a child, and since I wasn't attempting both, I was lazy.   But, you know, ten years ago I might have been one of those women.  Because ten years ago I still had something to prove to someone.  Most of all, to myself.” 

Doris Shaw made the choice to stop working after her son, Chase, was born, but not all of us make that choice. If you have a story like this, or a story talking about how you do juggle both work and home, we want to talk to you!  Please contact us at Midlife Mother Support.   editorial@midlifemother.com